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I had been thinking a great deal on what it means to study the teachings when one day, while looking through one of my old books, a typed note fell out. It read:

Assuming it was a quotation from Krishnamurti, I eagerly went to the CD-ROM to find its source. After much searching, I was unable to find it. I then asked a couple of friends, avid students of the teachings, if they knew where this quotation came from. Neither knew. Then I began to wonder if I was looking for verification from Krishnamurti as the final authority as to why one should study the teachings. As I am still unable to verify its source, it remains an anonymous quotation, even though it reads like something Krishnamurti could have said.

But, is the impact of its meaning reduced because I can’t be sure who uttered the words? Surely I can answer for myself whether or not I agree with the importance of studying the teachings without needing support and encouragement from other ‘important’ people, even if that person might be Krishnamurti himself. For me, there are depths to Krishnamurti’s teachings that reveal themselves only after we begin some kind of inner work to clear away, by undaunted observation, the debris of both our misunderstanding of ourselves and our ignorance of the depth of human existence. As that clearing progresses, more and more of the subtler configurations of self-centeredness appear to consciousness, at which point it is up to each one of us to face the raw fact of ‘self’ or bury it back into the ignorance we call unconsciousness. To study the teachings is not merely to passively read Krishnamurti over and over but to attentively act.

Nor is it, in my opinion, necessary to compare and contrast Krishnamurti’s writings with those of others, as if this will induce greater understanding. Recently, for personal enjoyment, I have been fascinated with the American poet Walt Whitman (as a kind of dialogue in which I listen, amazed, as he talks). But afterwards, to compare his words with those of Krishnamurti to see who better delivers the truth, is not to find but to lose oneself in a labyrinth of mental stimulation. Such comparison brings the false security of recognition (if the other author agrees with K) or the egotistic opportunity for intellectual banter (if the other author does not agree with K). One may take the teachings as a detached philosophy, something separate from my life, and for the purpose of an academic study I suppose that may have its place in a university, but such a study could not be "extraordinarily life-giving" unless accompanied by a deep penetration into the whole of human existence.

For me, Krishnamurti’s teachings stand strong on their own and my personal study of them does not require comparison. The truth of the teachings must be verified by one’s own perception and not by corroboration from others. One will never find a supporting bibliography in Krishnamurti’s writings. Each time I return to study the meaning behind Krishnamurti’s words, I find I can thoughtfully ponder over what I am reading only with reference to my responses to everyday life. Eventually, set off by an emotional trigger of fear or desire, a warning bell goes off. It shouts: Face the fact of self-preoccupation and the consequences of that or run from this fact and protect your illusions. It is from this great encountering that learning occurs and not from the memorizing and repeating or the rearranging of Krishnamurti’s words. For me, learning occurs at the moment of abandonment of the very words that started the process of study.

Face the fact of self-preoccupation and the consequences of that or run from this fact and protect your illusions. More often than not, I seem to prefer to protect my illusions, which no doubt is why the fundamental change that Krishnamurti demands does not occur. However, I am still grateful to the teachings for the not-so-fundamental changes that have taken place. I am no longer suffering from the insanity of nationalism. I am not as frequently compelled by an annoying inner demand for respectability. I have less fear and am more willing to take chances with my reputation. I have considerably less conflict than in my younger days, largely because I have found relief from the limiting borders of belief, at least the superficial ones. I am more adept at getting closer to the cause of all problems because I have a sharper view of the no-longer-complicated fact that ‘my image of you is me’. Perhaps these kinds of things might simply be called maturity but, if so, it remains humbled by the awareness that the more I see, the more I see that there is more to see... This may seem discouragingly endless but luckily my view of myself and my approach to the thinking that is me has also changed.

Once upon a time, thought was for me the mischief maker of conflicts but now, with the application of a kind of dispassionate observation, the operation of thought as it carries out its mischief also looks like one of the most amazing miracles of creation. This perceptual shift has brought to my everyday life a welcome freedom which depends only on the presence of attention. For this freedom, I need to worship no one. All this I owe to the study of the teachings, a study which for me continues to progress from astonishment to astonishment, and continues to remove, understanding by understanding, the unessential.

I think it is important to recognize that while this process of understanding requires time and thought, the true expression of that understanding requires a motiveless action outside of the limits of time and thought. Though Krishnamurti said that the first step is the last step (outside of time), he also felt the need to expose his audience to the teachings progressively, understanding by understanding.

The study of the teachings requires thinking but takes on meaning only by putting into practice the non-thinking observation of the thinker as he goes about creating himself. In this way one engages not only in a process which requires thought, but also, if one dares, in a process of attention that is independent of thought. And according to K, such attention has the potential to end the division between the conscious and the unconscious and thereby reveal the whole map of existence – a rather enthralling possibility, which, if actualized now by some of us, could alter the evolutionary course of humanity.

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