Krishnamurti & the Art of Awakening
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Krishnamurti jokes, humor, and levity


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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #1
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

We need a thread for K jokes, humor, and levity. You can add your own humor here or include jokes that K himself told. Whatever. The absurder is the absurd.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #2
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

Negative thinking is the highest thinking.

No, it's not!!!!

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #3
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

Q: How many Krishnamurti’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, of course. Be a lamp unto yourself.

This post was last updated by idiot ? Sun, 12 Jan 2020.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #4
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

Self Knowledge is the beginning of masturbation.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #5
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

The first step is the last step.
Does that mean the second step is the penultimate step?
Ultimately, such a question is unbecoming.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #6
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

K said, "No one gets it" and then died.

I tried to revive him to tell him, "I get it! I get it."

But the awakening of intelligence is very difficult.

I said, "You must die to this moment!"

His only answer was silence.

I was about to say something else when he opened his eyes and said, "You don't get anything, you idiot! Yes, you must die. But psychologically!"

This post was last updated by idiot ? Sun, 12 Jan 2020.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #7
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

As a child, K was taunted and picked on. The other children were cruel to him and mercilessly spun him around until he was dizzy.

But K had the last laugh because one day he grew up and became "the whirled teacher."

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #8
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

The speaker is unimportant.

But the headphones are.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #9
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

K heard about how astronauts wear diapers so that they can go a long time without having to use the toilet. He thought he would try that, too.

Soon he had a new book idea: The Urgency of Change.

This post was last updated by idiot ? Sun, 12 Jan 2020.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #10
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

K revealed his secret: "I don't mind what happens."

Pretty soon the wheels started to spin in the devious brains of some practical jokers in his entourage. Doesn't mind what happens, eh? We'll see about that.

K didn't mind the whipped cream pies in his face, the banana peels that he slipped on, the exploding cigars, and the handshake buzzers. Even when someone hid his expensive shoes, he didn't mind. Even when someone slipped some meat into his vegetarian food, he didn't mind. Even when someone threatened to reveal his affair with Rosalind, he didn't mind. Even when someone threatened to destroy all the teachings forever, he didn't mind.

One day K picked up the mystery book he was reading. This was too much! Someone had removed the bookmark! K lost it!

This post was last updated by idiot ? Sat, 07 Mar 2020.

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Sun, 12 Jan 2020 #11
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

The Disturber is the disturbed.

Have you noticed how occasionally someone comes here to kinfonet, acts like (s)he knows everything regarding K, and completely disrupts those of us trying to engage in serious inquiry?

You haven't noticed that?

Oh. You have.

Weird, isn't it? How that happens once in a while.

And have you noticed how much we enjoy that?

Also, have you noticed how on track the inquiries are here? They never veer off into unrelated issues. It's amazing how focused we stay, following an investigation all the way to the end.

Oh. You haven't noticed that either?

Have you noticed how insightful, in dialogue, we are here? I mean, it's just non-stop revelation.

Okay, now there has to be a joke coming, right?

The joke cannot be on us.

This post was last updated by idiot ? Sun, 12 Jan 2020.

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Mon, 13 Jan 2020 #12
Thumb_001 Sean Hen Spain 935 posts in this forum Offline

You have set the bar high here, idiot?.

Anyway, two Kinfonet forum members decided, after years of interaction online, to actually meet up face -to - face:

Kinfonet forum member 1: "You know, all these years debating on Kinfonet have really helped me to learn how to listen."

Kinfonet forum member 2: "Really? How did that happen?".

Kinfonet member 1: "Cold today, isn't it?".

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Wed, 15 Jan 2020 #13
Thumb_001 Sean Hen Spain 935 posts in this forum Offline

What is Krishnamurti's favourite sci-fi film?

Transformers

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Thu, 16 Jan 2020 #14
Thumb_2494 Peter Speelman Netherlands 25 posts in this forum Offline

“At an end your rule is, and not short enought it was!”
– Yoda

“Early must I rise. Leave now you must!”
– Yoda

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Fri, 17 Jan 2020 #15
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

The joke is on you.

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Fri, 17 Jan 2020 #16
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

K :“May I tell you a story?” he started, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, as he surveyed his young audience. “A young man leaves home to look for truth. He goes to a well-known guru who lives on the banks of a river. ‘Please, sir,’ he says to the old man, ‘allow me to stay with you. I want to learn the truth from you.’ And the guru agrees. And so he washes his clothes, cooks for him, and performs all kinds of tasks for the old teacher. After five years, he says to the master, ‘I’ve spent five years with you but I still don’t know what truth is and haven’t learned a thing. So if you don’t mind, I’ll leave you. Perhaps I can find another teacher, from whom I can learn more about the truth.’ ‘I don’t mind,’ says the old man, ‘go right ahead.’ So the young chap goes off and finds several other gurus, from whom he learns various magic tricks. After another five years have passed, he remembers his old teacher and goes to visit him. ‘So what have you learned?’ the old man asks him. And his former student tells him that he can walk on hot coals, levitate and so on. ‘Is that all?’ the guru asks. The young man points at the river in front of them and says proudly, ‘And I can walk on the waters of that river to the opposite shore.’ ‘And it took you five years to learn that,’ the old master exclaims, ‘when over there, fifty yards from here, you can take the ferry boat across for two pence."

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Fri, 17 Jan 2020 #17
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

One of Krishnamurti's jokes/stories:

And so he washes his clothes, cooks for him, and performs all kinds of tasks for the old teacher.

...

The old master exclaims, "When over there, fifty yards from here, you can take the ferry boat across for two pence."

The young man finally understood the old master: The ordinary is extraordinary! The everyday is miraculous!

Then the master said, "Now get back to work. I have a lot of clothes washing and cooking that needs to be done."

This post was last updated by idiot ? Fri, 17 Jan 2020.

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Fri, 17 Jan 2020 #18
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

idiot ? wrote:
Then the master said, "Now get back to work. I have a lot of clothes washing and cooking that needs to be done.".

Isn't K's joke about you and me instead of the master?

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Fri, 17 Jan 2020 #19
Thumb_avatar idiot ? United States 782 posts in this forum Offline

One Self wrote:
Isn't K's joke about you and me instead of the master?

You mean how you and I seek the truth by going from master to master when the truth is right in front of our eyes?

No. It's not about that.

It must be about explaining a joke. A joke is always much funnier when you explain it.

Yeah, that's it. And my add on isn't funny. Because we certainly don't want to get into how K had an entourage that cooked for him, washed his clothes, bought him new clothes, drove him places, bought him first class plane tickets, etc. Now that is getting not at all funny.

Anyway, can anyone spare me a couple of pennies for the ferry?

Wait! We're not believing in fairies again?! We did that in another thread.

This post was last updated by idiot ? Fri, 17 Jan 2020.

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Sat, 18 Jan 2020 #20
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

idiot ? wrote:
Because we certainly don't want to get into how K had an entourage that cooked for him, washed his clothes, bought him new clothes, drove him places, bought him first class plane tickets, etc.

But K was not your guru or my guru.

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Sat, 18 Jan 2020 #21
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

Question:

If you have renounced possessions, money, properties, as you say you have, what do you think of the Commission that organized your tour and is selling your books in the very theatre where you give your lectures? Are you not also exploiting and exploited?

Krishnamurti:

Neither the Commission nor I make any money out of these sales. The expense of hiring this theatre is borne by some friends. Whatever money is received from the sale of these books is used to print further books and pamphlets. As some of us think that these ideas will be of great help to man, we desire to spread them, and to me this desire is not exploitation. You needn't buy the books, nor need you come to these talks. (Applause) You are not going to miss a spiritual opportunity by not coming here.

Exploitation exists where a person, or some unquestioned value or idea, dominates and urges you, subtly or grossly, towards a particular action. What we are trying to do is to help you to awaken your own intelligence so that you will discern for yourself the fundamental cause which creates suffering. If you do not discern for yourself and free yourself from all those limitations that crush your mind and heart, there cannot be true happiness or intelligence.

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Sat, 18 Jan 2020 #22
Thumb_001 Sean Hen Spain 935 posts in this forum Offline

How many Krishnamurtians does it take to change a light-bulb?

Firstly, can we explore what entity is seeking to change the light-bulb? Isn't there an element of seeking improvement or becoming somehow better here? Isn't the self actually looking to better itself in seeking this change? Shouldn't we all just go to bed in the dark instead?

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Sat, 18 Jan 2020 #23
Thumb_001 Sean Hen Spain 935 posts in this forum Offline

Lou Knee wrote:
..... can we explore what entity is seeking to change the light-bulb? Isn't there an element of seeking improvement or becoming somehow better here?

Interesting point Lou. The ending of the light - bulb is surely "What is" and any movement towards change in the light - bulb will bring about conflict. Perhaps the best thing would be to light a candle. Any thoughts on this?

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Sun, 19 Jan 2020 #24
Thumb_001 Sean Hen Spain 935 posts in this forum Offline

Roundin Circles wrote:
Perhaps the best thing would be to light a candle.

Roundin, the problem here is that deciding to light a candle involves thought. Such action will inevitably lead to division, conflict and darkness. I would suggest observing the defunct light-bulb in silence.

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Mon, 20 Jan 2020 #25
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

I still don't know why people write in here when we don't agree on the teachings.

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Mon, 20 Jan 2020 #26
Thumb_img_0244 Jack Pine United States 5795 posts in this forum Offline

Is this why we are here? To agree on the "teachings"? Agreement is a conclusion, a fixed point. And who is it that is agreeing? The accumulator of opinions, thoughts, ideas, etc? Are we here to agree?

Some of you seem to feel the sense that seeing, understanding is not static, it is moving, changing.

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Tue, 21 Jan 2020 #27
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

Jack Pine wrote:
is this why we are here? To agree on the "teachings"? Agreement is a conclusion, a fixed point. And who is it that is agreeing? The accumulator of opinions, thoughts, ideas, etc? Are we here to agree?

No, we are here to disagree with facts and hit each other on the head as we have been doing:)

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Tue, 21 Jan 2020 #28
Thumb_img_0244 Jack Pine United States 5795 posts in this forum Offline

One Self wrote:
No, we are here to disagree with facts and hit each other on the head as we have been doing:)

You mean as you have just done above with your usual, confused response born of your ongoing misunderstanding of what others say?

Don't you see that it is you who are primarily the disrupting, ignorant source of so much turmoil on this forum? In many ways you are the "Trump" of Kinfonet. Is it OK if we all don't agree with everything you say? Is everything you write without error and perfect? Can you comprehend at all the possibility that there is something else when not agreeing beside "disagreeing"? There is understanding without being dependent on whether anyone else aggress with you or not.

This post was last updated by Jack Pine Tue, 21 Jan 2020.

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Tue, 21 Jan 2020 #29
Thumb_screenshot_20180710-010635 One Self United States 1630 posts in this forum Offline

Jack Pine wrote:
I mean as I have just done above with my usual, confused response born of my ongoing misunderstanding of what others say?

You don't need to explain your self-centered thinking to us. It is obvious.
Go and take a hike somewhere else, the teachings are not for the selfish people.

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Tue, 21 Jan 2020 #30
Thumb_img_0244 Jack Pine United States 5795 posts in this forum Offline

See how Trump-like you are? You're a liar to begin with. In your above quote you changed my original words to suit your narrow, unintelligent purpose. Can't you even think up your own insults?

And "us"? Do you speak for the rest of the people on here? What a joke you are. And then there is your reference to "selfish people". You have made a fetish of the self with your ridiculous user name. "One Self"?

This post was last updated by Jack Pine Tue, 21 Jan 2020.

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