Acting on a feeling or emotion makes it go away (temporarily). But if for one reason or other it is not suitable or wise to act on it, how does one manage the feeling, how does one make it subside?

I'm thinking in particular of those nasty emotional moments which I think psychologists call 'flooding', where an emotion / thought takes on a physiological aspect and brain chemicals pour forth, and it's almost irresistible not to take some remedial action later to be regretted.

Is it true that just self-observation will make it eventually fade? Will enough self-observation stop it happening at all?

Linda C wrote:
to be regretted.

i feel it is better not to feel regretted.
gb

We are watching, not waiting, not expecting anything to happen but watching without end. JK

"...how does one manage the feeling, how does one make it subside?"

"Is it true that just self-observation will make it eventually fade? Will enough self-observation stop it happening at all?"

Motive distorts.

Self observation means attending to oneself. Attention / awareness is light. Certain things can happen exist only in darkness. When attention is brought to bear upon these things they are rendered harmless, some disappear as if shadows. You are required to only manage this ability to observe, attend, be aware. The rest, 'fading', 'subsiding' happens on its own. Passively aware. The passivity is required. Awareness is the case. Can that be said?

Enough self observation?

Obviously you don't know what you are writing.

It takes one to know one.

Linda C wrote:
Is it true that just self-observation will make it eventually fade?

What is your understanding of 'self observation' ? What does it involve ? When you have replied to such questions, then only the discusion can proceed further.

Linda C wrote:
Will enough self-observation stop it happening at all?

Why don't you decide to find out the answer for yourself one day ?

FLOW WITH LIFE!

goofy baba wrote:
The rest, 'fading', 'subsiding' happens on its own.

One has to find out for oneself if this is true or else this assurance is likely to enter as a motive from the back door.:-)

goofy baba wrote:
Passively aware.

Difficult to do this when self is actively interfering to cause emotional turmoil! Any suggestions to make passive awareness a reality in emotional crisis ?

FLOW WITH LIFE!

goofy baba wrote:
The rest, 'fading', 'subsiding' happens on its own.

One has to find out for oneself if this is true or else this assurance is likely to enter as a motive from the back door.:-)

goofy baba wrote:
Passively aware.

Difficult to do this when self is actively interfering to cause emotional turmoil! Any suggestions to make passive awareness a reality in emotional crisis ?

FLOW WITH LIFE!

"One has to find out for oneself if this is true or else this assurance is likely to enter as a motive from the back door."

Yes Sudhir, it should have read:
The rest, 'fading', 'subsiding', if & when it happens, happens on its own.

No expectations as motive distorts.
Is the self different from motive, desire, thought etc?

We should come to dicuss alert passivity one of these days.

Just lost two drafts & already irritation is showing up.

It takes one to know one.

Linda C wrote:
Acting on a feeling or emotion makes it go away (temporarily). But if for one reason or other it is not suitable or wise to act on it, how does one manage the feeling, how does one make it subside?

Hi Linda. Thanks for your posting.

My observation is that observing alone does nothing at all. The burglar observes his/her greed and carries on with it. Expressing, suppressing or observing amount to the same lack of understanding.

It is only when one fully understands an emotional rush that it may be disappated. But how can it be fully understaood when it is either acted out or suppressed, both of which are excapes from the uncomfortable feeling of immediacy and necessity that boost the emotion.

With regard to observation, what is its purpose? And what is observing?

An emotion is a shock and it produces a crisis. This crisis is the feeling of extreme discomfort that accompanies the emotion. Emotions disrupt the comfort of the status quo. Therefore you feel the necessity to act, to do something, either suppress, deny or express in action. But to stay with the crisis without fleeing in either direction is extremely painful. The crisis mounts. Try it
and you will see. Maybe you have done this already.

Then one sees not only the emotion itself but the very mechanism of its urgency. The emotion is set up as an automatic mechanism that requires you to act, to escape from the crisis of discomfort it provokes. To fully 'see' that mechanism means that you will have put all the evidence together, the sense of it, the feeling of it and the thoughts that correspond to it. It is this act of the mind, united in seeing, that leads to understanding.

If you stay with the crisis rather than escaping it the mind trends to unite in order to understand what it is facing. The crisis has to be great enough for this to happen but usually we pull away and suppress or act out and the crisis is disappated rather than the emotion understood. Once the crisis lessens mind fractures again acoording to its pattern.

I would like to suggest that we try to observe and experiment with this over the next few days and if possible report back. It is not an easy thing and one doesn't have to succeed at it. But I feel that a collective experiment would be worthwhile.

Just to comment on this word, 'flooding.' This is part of the crisis that accompanies the emotion. It is so difficult to ride out the flood, which, as you say, is chemical. The emotional response is also molecular. All the receptor cells form a particular posture which reflects their receptivity to the chemical cocktail the brain has let loose. A movement of the whole body is involved and makes it almost impossible to resist. But if you know that it helps in the observation. You know what is pushing you. You know it is a mechanical chemical reaction, a posture, and knowing thius aids one's resistance to it. You pin it down with attention.

What are you waiting for?

This post was last updated by Paul Davidson (account deleted) Wed, 20 Oct 2010.

Paul Davidson wrote:
An emotion is a shock and it produces a crisis. This crisis is the feeling of extreme discomfort that accompanies the emotion. Emotions disrupt the comfort of the status quo. Therefore you feel the necessity to act, to do something, either suppress, deny or express in action. But to stay with the crisis without fleeing in either direction is extremely painful. The crisis mounts. Try it and you will see. Maybe you have done this already.

Hi Paul,

I found this very pertinent to what i have experienced in the after shocks that Christchurch is still experiencing after the 7.1 earthquake Sept 4 -getting up to 2000 now- so plenty of opportunity to observe the physiological and emotional states.

I recognised that my attention was focused outwardly only for any noise that resembled an earthquake i.e. the noise of the earth that precedes the shaking. A couple of days ago after a rather disturbing shock i became aware where my attention was; even though i felt like a cat fully alert, saw that i had another response to look at. My emotional state. i was only referring to the 'flooding' of my emotions after the event. One can feel the environmental crisis and the emotional response in the same moment.

Averil

Linda C wrote:
Is it true that just self-observation will make it eventually fade? Will enough self-observation stop it happening at all?

Take two self-observation tablets and call me in the morning.

averil harrison wrote:
I found this very pertinent to what i have experienced in the after shocks that Christchurch is still experiencing

Hi Averil, Have you noticed how the body becomes aware first and all the chemical/adreniline reaction sets in which is only then the beginning of the conscious awareness, all before there is any emotional or thinking responses? Notice how thinking comes in last of all. And doesn't the body react like a fine-tuned machine.

It seems to me when I get a body shock that it brings its own emotional response, like when you are confronted by a dangerous animal. And there is a shuddering and a frozeness. Then thought steps in and tries to rationalise. And see how the centres struggle to communicate with one another in a physical crisis. They are not used to it and it is a little awkward. Perhaps the spontaneous reactions to dangers we see in animals, such as birds, is the result of a constant free-flow of communication between their various capacities, whereas we have become impeded, somehow.

I guess a series of quakes could have a positive side-effect of joining things up, even if very perturbing.

Many years ago the singer, Cat Stevens, was nearly drowning when, he felt, God stepped in and suddenly he was crawling up the beach. That is when he converted to Islam. The joined-up experience IS a religious experience. The word 'religion' means to tie back together. But it is often mistaken as an external intervention by a higher power. Such is the strangeness and felt unreality that a mystical interpretation is afforded.

What are you waiting for?

Paul, thank you for your helpful message. It is just that interface with the physical that is troublesome, but I will try and experiment over the next few days, as suggested. The fact that these crises invariably happen in public, because they are usually triggered by the actions or words of other people, adds to the challenge.

Thank you for your kind comment Linda.

The problem is almost wholly that we are not used to bringing ourselves together in one place and time. We are not present in ourselves and then things just happen. It is in the presence of others that the absence of oneself shows up.

One can only experiment and find out.

"Life is what happens when you're busy doing something else." (John Lennon)

What are you waiting for?

Hallo Linda, When you say 'just' self-observation it seems to imply that you have not understood what this observation entails. If you are saying to yourself, "I'm observing this emotion" then obviously that is not going to do anything but continue the problem because you have separated the observer from what is observed. To observe the emotion (it is not your emotion)you must be, to use K's expression, choicelessly aware. No need to make any judgement about whether the emotion is good or bad as that also will continue the problem (which may not be a problem, actually). I realize the physical effect of some emotion can be invasive; but most emotion is shallow and dualistic, like thought, which is usually at the root of it, just as emotion is often at the root of thought. And this is all the province of the ego and the self-image.

The thing is to free the emotions from the ego - not to identify with them - let them come and go like visitors but not stay like residents. I apologize for making this too long but hope it's not too obscure to be of any use to you.

PL

Paul Lanzon wrote:
The thing is to free the emotions from the ego - not to identify with them - let them come and go like visitors but not stay like residents.

These are useful pointers, Paul. Have you been able to apply them to your own emotional responses to live events? And could you share any recent experiences of this?

This forum is in its infancy still and I would like it to be a place to discuss real-life interactions as most of the other forums are rather theoretical most of the time.

Your points are valid but can we try to talk more about ourselves in real life situations and challenges we face rather than bearing on 'you', 'one', 'people' and so on, which overloads on the side of abstraction? K says these things must be addressed in everyday life and I think it useful to bring attention to that aspect.

If we can do that it would at least be novel. So far I note posters reluctance to talk about themselves. Is fear involved? For me it is not. But can I put out this question more widely?

Is fear a factor in us not being able to be concrete? Is the drift to abstraction an escape from facing actuality?

What are you waiting for?

It's not obscure, you put it very well.

I was seeing the emotion as a problem because of its side-effects - loss of focus, work affected, makes for unwise responses etc. Had assumed I had some experience of watching the emotional visitors (good metaphor, thank you) come and go, but the particular trigger, to do with my teenage daughter, is very potent.

Paul D, interesting that you speak of fracturing, this is not something I have been aware of.