Krishnamurti & the Art of Awakening

Krishnamurti Quote of the Day

Brockwood Park, England | Krisnamurti Foundation Trust Bulletin 3, 1969

Questioner: Is it possible for a man and a woman to live together, to have sex and children, without all the turmoil, bitterness and conflict inherent in such a relationship? Is it possible for there to be freedom on both sides? I don't mean by freedom that the husband or wife should constantly be having affairs with someone else. People usually come together and get married because they fall in love, and in that there is desire, choice, pleasure, possessiveness and tremendous drive. The very nature of this in-loveness is from the start filled with the seeds of conflict.

Krishnamurti: Is it? Need it be? I very much question that. Can't you fall in love and not have a possessive relationship? I love someone and she loves me and we get married - that is all perfectly straightforward and simple, in that there is no conflict at all. (When I say we get married I might just as well say we decide to live together - don't let's get caught up in words.) Can't one have that without the other, without the tail as it were, necessarily following? Can't two people be in love and both be so intelligent and so sensitive that there is freedom and absence of a centre that makes for conflict? Conflict is not in the feeling of being in love. The feeling of being in love is utterly without conflict. There is no loss of energy in being in love. The loss of energy is in the tail, in everything that follows - jealousy, possessiveness, suspicion, doubt, the fear of losing that love, the constant demand for reassurance and security. Surely it must be possible to function in a sexual relationship with someone you love without the nightmare which usually follows. Of course it is.

Tags: conflict, family, love, marriage, sex

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From the known you cannot possibly see the unknown;
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There is no essential difference between the old and the young, for both are slaves to their own desires and gratifications.
We are always caught in this misery of an everlasting battle with ourselves and with society. That is a fact.
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The moment we have solved one problem, another arises, and so we continue to the end of our lives seeking solutions to an endless series of problems.
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Heaven knows, we have conflicts all day long, but we have trained our mind to be cunning, and so pass over these conflicts lightly, escape from them.
Through friction, through continual conflict, memory is being created, memory as the "I" and the "mine", which becomes possessive.
Conflict can exist only between two false things, between that supposed reality which you call the "I", which to me is nothing else but the result of environment, and the environment itself.
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If you look into your lives, you will see that conflict is continually twisting, perverting, shaping your lives;
There can be struggle only between two false things, conflict between the environment and the result of environment which is the "I".
Some people believe that the "I" has had a birth in the distant past and will continue in the future. It is irrelevant to me, it has no significance at all.
You know we have lost all sense of living normally, simply, directly.
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In times of peace and quietness, there takes place a gradual change of values, mostly unconscious, and this change, this gradual change, we term the struggle between the old and the young.
How is one to have this intelligence which destroys struggle and conflict and the ceaseless effort which wears out mind itself?
When the mind is not imparting values, which is mere conformity, when there is spontaneous understanding of the prison, which is environment, then there is the action of intelligence, which is freedom.
The turmoil, the end, and the "you" are the same; there is no division.
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It is the very essence of stupidity to escape from conflict through a series of established values, or through forming a new set of values.
Life is chaotic, conflicting, full of pain, and we think that, if we can find an ideal, then we shall be able to guide ourselves across this aching turmoil.
If you desire to understand environment, not only the objective but the subjective which is so infinitely subtle, then you must individually come into conflict with it.
I wonder how many of you are vitally conscious of this conflict in the battlefield of the mind.
Conflict invariably must arise when there is a static centre within one, and about one there are changing values.
Hate is not dissolved through experience nor through any accumulation of virtue.
The conflict between the actual and the illusory must continue till either the unreal overcomes the actual or the actual breaks through all safeguards, all escapes, and begins to reveal its deep significance.
War is a symptom, however brutal and diseased, and to deal with the outer manifestation without regard to the deeper causes of it, is futile and purposeless;
There can only be peace and happiness in the world when the individual - who is the world - sets about definitely to alter the causes within himself which produce confusion, sorrow, hate, and so on.
Relationship is now based on dependence, that is, one depends on another for one's psychological satisfaction, happiness and well-being.
Do not think by merely wishing for peace, you will have peace, when in your daily life of relationship you are aggressive, acquisitive, seeking psychological security here or in the hereafter.
There is conflict in relationship, but instead of understanding its cause and so transcending it, we try to escape from it and seek gratification elsewhere.
In all of us there is the dormant will to destroy like anger, ill will, which extended leads to world catastrophes; and also within us there is the desire to be thoughtful and compassionate.
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Most of us are caught up in an endless series of inward conflicts and without resolving them life is utterly wasteful and empty
Does not conflict, the struggle to become and not to become, make for a self-enclosing process?
To renounce is to acquire and acquisition is the seed of conflict.
We falsely separate the thought from the thinker and so try to deal only with the part, to educate and modify the part, thereby hoping to transform the whole.
Is conflict necessary for creativeness?
Conflict strengthens self-protective capacities, conflict is the substance on which the self thrives.
Is not liberation from the cause of conflict and sorrow the primary issue?
Be aware of your conflict, of how you deny, justify, compare or identify; of how you try to become; be aware of the deep, full significance of the pain of the opposites.
Through time the Timeless cannot be realized.
If thought-feeling is caught neither in disillusionment nor in comforting refuge then conflict will find the means of its own ending.
The very nature of the self is to create contradiction.
There is no end to conflict and sorrow in becoming.
Our conflict within and without arises, does it not, from the changing and contradictory values based on pleasure and pain?
Conflicts in relationship build a wall of continuous resistance and instead of bringing wider and deeper unity create insurmountable differences and disunity.
To be is to be related; there is no such thing as isolated being.
All the conflicting entities which make up the me have also brought into being the other me, the observer, the analyser.
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Questioner: Are we worms which must turn into butterflies?
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Should you not question it to find out the reason for this conflict, this ceaseless battle till you die and to be still wanting to continue after death?
Our whole existence is this, fighting evil by evil means, but saying, 'Well, I am not evil,' as though we are extraordinarily righteous.
You are moving from 'what you are' to 'what you want to be' as the opposite of 'what you are', with a motive for profit.
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If good is the opposite of bad, goodness contains the bad because goodness is the result of its opposite, the bad.
Humility is an idea, not an actuality. The actual is the arrogance, the other is not, but I would like to become that other.
If I want to understand what is, I must give my whole attention, my whole being to it and not be distracted by the opposites.
The 'I' is the result of this pursuing and denying, and it is therefore a contradiction.
Surely this confusion, this misery did not come into being by itself. You and I have created it, not a capitalist or a communist or a fascist society, but you and I have created it in our relationship with each other.
In 'becoming' there is always the dual; in 'being' there is no duality.
Righteousness is a process of self-enclosure.
After all, war is a projection of our daily life - only more spectacular and more destructive.
To find action without strife, there must be no actor; and there is no actor only when there is no end in view.
Exploitation ceases only when the mind discerns the falseness of security and is no longer ensnared by its own power of creating illusions.
Actually we have no love; we have sentiment; we have emotionality, sensuality, sexuality
Loneliness is the awareness of complete isolation; and are not our activities self-enclosing?
It requires an intense energy to stand alone.
Try remaining with the feeling of hate, with the feeling of envy, jealousy, with the venom of ambition; for after all, that's what you have in daily life, though you may want to live with love, or with the word `love'.
Respectability is a curse;
We don't love children, because we have no love in our own hearts. We just breed children.
Thought is the very denial of love, and it cannot enter into that space where the me is not.
Can the mind move from the known - not into the unknown, I don't know what that means - but be free and move away from the borders of the known?
There is a common need to escape, and mutually we use each other. This usage is called love.
If you find the garden that you have so carefully cultivated has produced only poisonous weeds, you have to tear them out by the roots;
When there is love there is no duty and no responsibility.
An intelligent mind acts in the field of thought intelligently, sanely, without resistance;
We are saying: Be dead to love; it doesn't matter. Live entirely in your intellect and in your verbal manipulations, your cunning arguments.
One has to find out the meaning of living, not merely giving an intellectual significance to it, but looking at what it means to live.
An ambitious man, whether he be a merchant, a politician, or a so-called saint is essentially a self-contradictory human being.
Sex plays an extraordinarily important part in our lives because it is perhaps the only deep, firsthand experience we have.
Love has no problem and that is why it is so destructive and dangerous.
When you say to somebody `I love you', what does it mean?
Is it possible to observe oneself and the world without any distortion, without any symbol, without any formula?
For love to be, memory, with all its complex processes, has to come to an end.
We are talking about something entirely different: freeing the mind of all ideals, and therefore of all contradiction.
Love has nothing to do with sentiment. Love is hard, in the sense that it is crystal clear and what is clear can be hard.
I am confused, torn by my own desires, so I say to myself, 'First clear up your own confusion. Perhaps you may be able to discover what love is through what it is not.'
The word 'innocence' means 'incapable of being hurt'.
Do we know what love is? Never knowing it is the wonder of it, the beauty of it.
To me, truth has no aspects; it is one, and that which is complete, whole, has no aspects.
The people who believe so much in God are really not in love with life.
To love is to be free - both parties are free.
Sex is a problem because we have lost that creative force which we call love.
If you truly thought about it you would see that our love is based on possessiveness.
What we have to understand is, not what kind of restrictions, scientific or religious, should be placed on wants and sensations, but how to bring about deep and enduring fulfilment.
The discovery of what is wise and what is foolish is the whole process of living.
Viewing it realistically, we can see that we love our family because it gives us joy; we love that which gives us pleasure, that which brings us a reward.
We do not know what God is, what Death is, and what Love is.
It is no good discussing theoretically what love is. We can only start with what we know, i.e., by examining and becoming aware of "what is."
The idea of loving everybody has very little meaning if you don't know how to love one, your child, your husband, your wife, your neighbour.
We know when we love somebody with all our being. It is surely a shattering experience because it implies a letting down of all barriers.
See what society has done to us - our education, our routine of business, the gathering of money, the performing of awful duties and so on. In all this, is there a sense of joy?
We talk about love, we talk about responsibility, duty, but there is really no love, and relationship is based on gratification, the effect of which we see in the present civilization.
Is love also a response, a reaction not to be named and so left to wither?
You then realise that you are alone and you have to be alone if you seek Truth.
There is real thinking only when there is no response to memory.
[Love] comes into being when you have no problem.
To love one another is one of the most difficult things, because there is in it always the shadow of pleasure and pain.
We can be sentimental over love; but that is not love.
The idea of cosmic love and loving mankind is really a rationalisation of the lack of love in one's heart for another.
We know when we love somebody with all our being.
When [he] faces 'what is' - i.e. he is lacking in love - and goes deeper and deeper into it, he finds that he is nothing though he has a mask, though he is talking about God and that behind all verbal things intellectually produced there is absolutely nothing.
To love truth, you must know truth; and to know truth is to deny it.
Question: I have plenty of money. Can you tell me what is the right use of money?
To be full of emotion is obviously not love, because a sentimental person can be cruel when his sentiments are not responded to, when his feelings have no outlet.
Love is the only thing that transforms.
From the known you cannot possibly see the unknown;
Question: In order to attain truth, must one abstain from marriage and procreation?
Question: Is marriage a need or a luxury?
Your business, your religion, your gods, your leaders, your political and economic actions, your escapes, your social activities, your joining one party and rejecting another - all that is emphasizing and giving strength to the 'me'.
Sex plays an extraordinarily important part in our lives because it is perhaps the only deep, firsthand experience we have.
Where there is no creative expression of life, we give undue importance to sex, which becomes an acute problem.
As long as you do not begin to question and understand the significance of environment, of the many values which you have built up about you in self-protection and which are crushing out fundamental, creative thinking, naturally you must resort to many forms of stimulation.
Sex is a problem because we have lost that creative force which we call love.