Before freeing yourself spiritually I think you need to free yourself from that bar you are working in. I say this because we all tend to do this, we have one problem and instead of fixing it or at least trying to, we escape by aiming at another goal, usually higher.You are a good person, that's for sure but K's teachings can't help you get out of that bar, they only help you survive. You are young, you can still spread out your wings and fly right out of that bar that is making you so miserable. If I were K. I would find it amusing to see a nice young person like you have such enormous spiritual ambitions, yet accept the prison you are in.