Krishnamurti: On Marriage

Marriage is not an easy thing – just as living is not an easy thing. In fact marriage is a very complex affair. You see, there are several urges, several desires, in all of us. And an individual whose urges, desires, are not fulfilled goes through a great many difficulties.

There is the desire for companionship – that is the desire to be with somebody to whom we can talk about ourselves and who will listen to us. It is the desire to be with someone whom we love and who loves us and who will help us to think clearly. We also want to be with others – we want companionship – because we are lonely. You see, to live alone is one of the most difficult things to do. It requires enormous intelligence to live alone.

... Another thing is the urge to have children to whom you give your name. You are proud of your children and, through them, you feel immortal. Through them your name goes down and, through them, you feel a certain power. And as you grow older you need somebody – your son or daughter – to look after you. In other countries – America and England, for example – the children or child does not live with the parents. Here in India it is a different matter. Here in India they do live with their parents and, perhaps, it is a nicer thing. ...

Not long ago we were in a restaurant in Geneva with some friends. A man and a woman – a husband and wife – came along and sat at a table next to us. The man never said a word – not a single word – to his wife, but she talked to him; she helped him to talk, but he held his head down and never said a word throughout the whole hour. Do you know how sad it is to be married to somebody like that?

You know, divorce is increasing in the world. You marry – you think it is love, but it is only physical attraction. Soon you find that you have married the wrong kind of person – a person with whom you are not completely at home. There is no companionship. You get attracted to another person, and there is trouble between you and your spouse. The husband, being stronger, is demanding and dominates his wife who nags and so on. You see how silly all these things are, but this is what generally happens – you get brutalized by each other, you get hurt by each other and, eventually, you become hard with each other.

Marriage, like everything else in life – in fact like living itself – is an infinitely difficult thing, and needs extraordinary attention. Marriage needs extreme understanding.